Friday, April 22, 2016


Nobody said that the road to success was easy...
People would try to bring you down,
They will convince you that you wouldn't achieve it...
They will talk behind your back,
They will tell you their experiences...
But as hard-headed and determine as she is,
She never listens as long as she had set her goal,
She'll do whatever it takes to achieve it...


Every now and then,
My back gave me problems...
that excruciating pain...
Probably because of my hectic schedules of classes,
the pain had gotten worse...
I tried to go for hydrotherapy,
swimming at my friend's condo...
It did help a bit in the beginning,
It wasn't a lot till the pain came back again...


I told myself to hang in there,
Wait till I completed the Dec'15 exams then only I'll go for a 2nd MRI scan!

Things always didn't turned out as planned,
Your body has its own mind to work things out!
It had decided to show me signs that it couldn't tolerate,
couldn't hang on to all the stress that I'm giving to it...

It was when I'm in the mid of classes at mid/end of Oct'15,
When we were given a 10 mins break,
I tried to stand up and walk...
But I couldn't,
I just stood there because the pain was so intense,
that it affected right down to my left leg...

I tried to take a few deep breaths,
Trying to calm myself down,
The heart is pumping so quickly,
Because I'm afraid I couldn't walk anymore...

After a few mins,
I'm alright to go again...

Back then,
I thought to myself that I could earn the MRI scan fees by myself...
But the body had shown signs that I couldn't drag it any longer...
That's when I decided to tell my dad...

Appointment made to visit the same doc again after 3 years,
He had given order to go for the 2nd MRI scan...
For the first time,
Dad was there with me all along
*although he took naps in between in the clinic*

It used to be someone very special who accompanied me through the whole process,
It was Andrew back then,
from sending me to the hospital and clinic,
waiting for me while I get my scan done,
did the research for me,
and the best part?
He asked if I had claustrophobia...

But it's alright now,
I'm a big girl...
I shall do all that by myself...
After all,
What's the definition of being an iron lady?


I know I looked freaking fat in here!
That's when I changed into this "pregnancy" clothing,
prepping to go into that MRI machine...

It looks like a huge doughnut right?
This machine is much more newer compare to the one I had in SJMC
(now known as Sime Darby Medical Centre in Subang)

I would say this is a much more pleasant scan,
because of the considerate nurse,
and better music...
Earphones are worn during the scan because of the sound the machine makes,
it's wayyyyy too loud,
not too scary,
and all you gotta do is to stay still and relax!
The scan took about 10 - 15 mins...

The results of that scan is instant,
As in you'll received after an hour or so...
As expected,
It had worsen and it's been pressing on the nerves of my left leg...
After much discussions,
I decided to go for surgery!

I've been dependent for these before surgery,
To ease me throughout the days while I'm still having classes,
and battles during my ACCA exams...

I am to be admitted into the hospital on the same day right after my exams.
The next day is somewhat a Selangor Public Holiday,
so the doc won't be coming in...

I was admitted on 11/12/2015,
at Beacon International Specialist Centre,
and the surgery was performed on the above pic!
On the night of 11th,
I couldn't sleep,
Prolly because I'm used to staying up at wee hours!
Till a nurse came over to shoo me to bed :(
I guess I had been a very naughty patient >.<

I had been awaken by a neighbour,
at 5 in the morning,
because she PULLED out her nose tube!!!

And the nurse try to insert it back,
she screams in so much pain...
What I heard from her family member was that she had a lung cancer,
the nurse suggested to tie her hands up,
It's painful to see her that way,
but the nurse has her point too!

Which would u rather choose?
To tie her hands up or to let her keep pulling her nose tube and then insert it again in her nose with so much pain?
The nurse decided to move me to the next room,
Because she says I'll need plenty of rest,
and was afraid the same thing happened again,
to be disturbed by my neighbour!

I've packed my belongings,
called my dad that all he needs to take was there on the chair,
since I'll be moving to the next room after my op!

Honestly speaking,
I wasn't afraid until I'm dressed up like that!
What makes it worse was that my family members isn't here yet!
I told myself to be brave,
There's nothing I should be afraid of!
The nurse asked me to take a shower first since I wouldn't be able to do after surgery...
And yes,
My hair is still wet!

As the clock ticks,
My heart pumps faster...
Each time the nurse walks in,
I gets more nervous...
In came 2 nurses,
A female and a male...
she asks me to lay on my bed while they push the bed to the operation theatre!!!

I was hoping that my family would come soon!
At least to be there and gave me some encouragement,
because I'm not that strong anymore T.T

The nurse had been very kind to me,
she covered me in blankie,
saying that it's cold up there...
When I reached,
I still have to wait,
laying on my bed,
looking at those bright lights,
and freezing too!

Another nurse came,
she put a huge pipe under my blankie and says,
"This is to warm you up a bit..."
Dad came after a short while,
and phew,
Slightly relieved BUT still afraid...
He has to go out after a while,
He said he wasn't allowed to come in,
but since he wasn't there with me previously,
the nurse let him just for a while!

As I saw the docs and nurses walking here and there,
saw the patient who just came out,
I'm getting more nervous...
But after seeing my own doc,
who came and confirm if it's the left leg,
*actually it even starts moving to my right leg too*
I felt better...

When I thought the waiting area is cold,
I was being explained what they're about to do next,
the anaesthetist first inject the anaesthesia into my IV Drip,
I'm already feeling drowsy,
heavy eyelids,
trying not to close,
then came the General Anaesthesia,
Which puts me in deep sleep...
I only felt like I had been sleeping for an hour or so,
But the whole surgery took 4 hours!!!
The anaesthetist nudge me to wake me up,
and after a while,
the nurses pushes my bed down to my room...
I saw my dad,
my mam,
my sister...

All of the sudden,
A few tears rolled down onto my cheeks...
I had no idea why,
prolly feeling overwhelmed,
from being nervous to happy...

Indeed after the surgery,
I was very tired and slept all day!
I have to stay on bed for the whole day as well as the next day,
until with the doc's order,
I could sit and stand up...
That's the happiest moment after being bedridden for so long!

I felt like a wobbly fawn...
Couldn't sit long,
Couldn't stand long,
Walking like an infant,
But with overjoyed...!!!

I have to wear a corset to support my back for a few months...
Blue black everywhere because the nurse injected painkillers into my IV Drip,
It felt so cooling when they injected water to flush up my veins...
but the painkillers hurts when they injected into the IV Drip,
although effective to my back!

Overjoyed to be able to go home,
although I still have to rest on my bed,
With tons of medications everyday!

I get a new set of these each time I went for follow ups,
Until recently,
I don't have to take in that much of medications!

Who doesn't love flowers?!
The zoozies visited me while I'm still in admission,
Beautiful lilies and they knew I love purple...
So purple wrapper,
purple daisies,
and purple baby's breaths...
Grace visited when I'm bedridden at home...
She brought a bouquet of purple carnations!
Love them too ❤

Follow ups,
Me driving myself,
and in corset 

Although I'm still in my recovery process,
I tried to attend my cousin's wedding and my bestie's wedding...

And heck yes!
Gain a few pounds..!!
Look at that TUMMY and that FAT FACE!!!
I can't even accept that myself!

That fei poh,
trying to hide behind the sister's handbag and behind the aunt!

Congratulations,my dear!
I know you're worried,
but this is once in a lifetime thing,
so I'll be there to witness your happy moments and share it together with the rest of the zoozies!
*still looking fat as ever! 🙈 *

It's been a pretty long post and the time now is 5.48 am!
Next update,
Someone special had came into her life,
A stranger,
which unexpectedly turns out to be someone important!

The Road to Success!

As the night crawls in,
Thoughts run wild in her mind...
Thoughts of the past,
Thoughts of the future,
Thoughts of the present...

It's been a long run for the past 8-9 months for me...
I wouldn't say it's tough,
but manageable...
Running to classes every week in downtown KL and to Sunway Uni...
as well as with my back issues!

It's tiring,
but what came after was indeed fruitful...
Especially attending the classes in Sunway Uni...
I have to get up extremely early to book the usual good spots in the lecture hall,
Not mentioning it was a lengthy class every weekend...
Classes starts at 8.30 in the morning to 5 or 6 in the evening!
Getting good spots means you have to be there by 7.30 am!

Every now and then,
Ms Menon pushes us...
Made us do our homeworks even though she knew the classes is back to back!
Say; homeworks are given on Saturday and we need to submit it on Sunday!
Even if we're exhaustive after a whole long day of class!
That's how I spent my weekends for that past 6 months!

All of us were so excited when we were able to be lectured in this hall.
Why you may ask?
Well, simply because it's much more comfy, colder and the projector are in HD.
My silly mate says she could look into that projected screen without her glasses!

But at the same time,
with such comfort,
you'll feel sleepy!

Sunway Uni has so much tests just to prepare their students for the examinations...
As I could recall,
There were 2 progress tests and 2 mock exams!

There were times where I would just used their library facility,
Where your student card is the access card to enter into the library,
Through an automated door...
Escalators and passenger lifts,
Huge lobby area,
Gorgeous study area,
You name it, they have it...
It sort of brings me back to the UK...

I would study the whole day there,
from noon till 2 in the morning!
*I'm a nocturnal being*
Yes, they opened till late midnight!
Sometimes it's also scary to just walk to the basement carpark alone!

Those days were over now...
I had PASSED my P2!
I was overwhelmed with the results I received on the Jan'16!
I had PASSED my P6 too!

But with great dismay,
I failed my audit paper P7 with 42 Marks!
I had never given up and never will...

Her inner voice whispers,
"My dear child, you had not failed...True failure is only when you decided to give up and quit!"
She stills burn that fire within her...
The fire of strength and hope...
Only this time,stronger!

Tuesday, November 17, 2015


It was the day my ACCA results released...
Although I had been doing this for so many times,
But it always felt like the first time...
You're so afraid and yet nervous that WHAT IF it turns out bad...
Just like the other times...

On that same day,
I was having class with Ms Menon...
while you actually tried to forget that date,
She kept reminding you about it...
by telling you whether her students get through it or not...

Me being me..
I know my emotions very well,
And I do not want to ruin my mood in class,
I decided to look at it when I got home...
When I'm alone...

Fast forward,
My sister decided to help me check after I logged in...
She said,"I told ya! You'll pass!"
For a moment there,
I thought she was kidding and I looked at it!!!

That feeling!
I was overwhelmed by it!
At least my sacrifices did put through...
That resignation is worth it!
That "No,I'm staying home" is worth it!
That "no family time" is worth it too!
After the 4th attempt for one of the paper,
After you felt like finally you wanna give up!

For now,
I'm proceeding with my last 3 papers...
Hoping that I'll get through as well...

I remembered very well,
for that night I rewarded myself with a great dinner with my family!

For months, I've been wanting to go to museums!
*Not your typical girl*
And the best companion is always your dearest sister!
I'm glad she agreed to it!
We had an awesome time!

That first visit was to an Aviation Museum!
and for the many more museums to come :)


It can hold my weight *Smirk*

This is that "Bloody Bollocks" Look!
Because I want an autistic room!
I never thought Sunway Uni's Library do not have an autistic room *Individual rooms*!
But oh well,
Just make good use of what's there...

I rushed off to Grace's place that night right after class!
We cooked dinner...Just like the ol' times!
Favourite Grilled scallops and Meat rolls...
served with Apple Juice!
Aint no apple cider because it does taste like apple juice XD
We stayed in and watched Pokemons and Bones

The back has been hurting tremendously!
It's been more regular than occasionally!
At this moment,
That hot pack doesn't help much anymore...
When I've planned to go for my 2nd MRI scan in Dec after my exams,
It has to be rescheduled to earlier dates,
as early as this Friday :(
It started to affect my legs...
That whole stretch of pain from the whole back to the leg...
I was really afraid...
Afraid that WHAT IF,
One day I couldn't walk anymore...

Putting my best of hope,
shall see what the doc's order by this Friday..

It's been a really LLooOOOooonnNNnGgg time that we could get together!
Time was not by our side but we did had a great time nonetheless!

L I T T L E B L A C K D R E S S 
Marjorina once said,"Not every girl could own a white bride's gown of her own or even have the chance to wear it but every girl could own a simple little black dress that she wore to her own battlefield" 👠👗💄 


How I wish I could wake up to this every morning!

This is one miserable train ride to Nilai!
Simply because you need to pee and the whole ride took almost 2 hours!

I'll be back for more!

Xx annaliese xX

Sunday, August 16, 2015


It's been so long since I last mentioned about you...
Until recently,
There was a discussion that had brought your name up...
And then...
There's a hint of those memories...

Memories of the past...
Comparing between you to my first love...
As I'm weighing both of you...
I realized up till now,
you had won the battle in every form...

But all these doesn't matter anymore...
It doesn't anymore...

Ppl have thoughts that I hadn't moved on from our relationship...
and sometimes unbelievably,
I do thought so too...

But fact shown in the last few months,
I had finally stand up for myself,
Knowing my self worth,
Knowing to say "No" to you...
Calling off our deal...
By then,
I knew it was all the closures that I had needed...

You'll always be a friend to me...
Someone whom we both knew so well..

I then came across this article by Mun Yee...
Link to the Article
Everything she said,
I could relate myself to it...

"...because the saddest people know what it feels like to feel so unloved and worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel the same..."

And then I start questioning myself...

Was that the reason you left?
That you had seen her tumbled and at her bad times?
And eventually you gave up because you're tired of convincing her?

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


As here I am,
sitting before my laptop,
with my mind running wild of the past events...

Months back,
somewhere in Jan...

These ppl are from different badge of internships,
they completed their programme,
and they leave...
but what was never really gone was our friendship made...
Even months after they had ended they training,
we still catch up like an old friend...
Here's to our never ending bond!

The other stage in life...
where your friends are moving on and build their own family...
where you had plenty of wedding invitations,
with up next was baby shower!

This was Louis's baby shower...
At this point,
I'm an aunt :')
giving a small token to him as a blessing...
this was their happy family...
growing still...

The zoozies...
We are parting ever since the day of college ends...
We have to embark on our own paths...
our careers,
and these 2 were already building their own families...
as how much reluctance I felt,
Deep down,
I'm happy for them to have found their own happiness...
We're about to branch out zoozies...
With one in North East,
Another in North West,
I'll be in down South - Singapore,
and the others?
They're staying in the central KL :)

One thing about zoozies that had our bond so strong was the crazy-ness level we had,
We would never let each other to do the craziest things alone...
Before King Kong left, 
we planned a surprise birthday with her ever longing desired fruit tart cake,
And happiness is when you saw how happy and surprised she was..
Having to utilise her time here in KL,
we clubbed and went for a "free" supper...
Paid by a stranger without any expectations of returns...
and lastly,
without sleeping,
we have a 15km morning jog!

That's how insane we are and we never stop!

21KM Half Marathon by Nike,
Just weeks before the event,
I had a severe veins injury.
Was asked to cancel off and recuperate at home :(
But lessons learnt!
Trainings were not meant to over-pace!

And I've found out I enjoyed taking photos...
Not only with a camera but with my only HTC..
They say a lot of my whereabouts,
my moods,
my travels
my experience obtained...

At different stages of life,
no matter what,
We would need to go through certain circumstances that each of us would have been there...
We bid farewell...
Not knowing when we'll see each other again...
We moved on...
Not knowing what's in front us...
We walked along...
Regardless how uncertain we are...
We build bridges,
We even destroy them...
We shaped our own destiny...
To be wherever we desire most...

May you be fear of the uncertainties,
would you rather die in the caves of comfort?
The choice will be ultimately yours...

Xx annaliese xX