1 month~~

yes,it's already been 1 month we've been together...time flies...at times,i felt tat we've been together for so long...but at times like today,i realize,wow~!! it's been a month already...in which,i meant tat time flies...anyway,happy 1 month anniversary =)

yesterday,i went out with bie...have dinner with his frens...at ka ka bak kut teh after their Batang Kali's waterfall trip...i didnt go becuz i'm way too afraid as this is the first time meeting his frens...moreover,i dun wan him to be left out becuz of taking care of me...they seems to be starving...add lotsa rice...lolz...and i told bie,dun complain after tat...haha...he added like 3 bowls? after dinner,we were suppose to send ah yeow and his gf home...he opened the car door for me and i was blushing...suppose to go out for a movie...but we decided to watch The Saw V at his house...scary...i can felt the pain...ewww...but i enjoy it...hahah...went home after that,sist saw the dress i'm wearing and she said can see the wasit line d...i'm happy...at least my sacrifices are worth afterall...

i enjoy every moment i spent with him...even though it's short but i always will appreciate every moment when i was with him...at times,he made me feel that he's no diff from other guys...in a point of,the perfect body lines...just some times lar...the things he said,hurting me...making me felt that every guys oso mind eventhough they say they dont mind at all...perhaps,i'm just thinking too much like every girls does...but deep down,i knew he was supporting me in every ways..everytime after saying stuffs,he told me he dont mind...just only,he msg me saying tat he'll be here supporting me always...thanks bie~!!! =)

bie's working now at tien hou temple...he get to see what he had longing to see...the lion dance...he even mms me one of the pic...as usual,he'll be working till late today...next morning only get to off...pity him...i wonder did he get enough sleep last night...

nothing much to do today...i had some research to do yet i'm still here blogging...i haven even start searching for the infos...chatting with ck and lynn...u noe wat,i'm very disappointed in our frenship...haihz...all 4 of us had issues...but i dun feel like settling it up..tat goes the same to cy too...i dun give a damn lar...as long as i have lynn =) i'm chatting with lynn and ck while uploading fotos to my fb and updating blog here...yeah...as usual,the multitasker...bie knew that ever since he talked to me...i rmb tat time i was having my finals...haha...and got 1 time he told me tat,it was the first day we sms each other on the next month...i was shock...shocked tat he remembered...he touched me once again...yes i noe...i'm one who is very easy to be touched...but it is the small things he did that touched me..i'm enough =)

bie asked me not to stay up cuz he'll be late..i didnt reply him on tat...hehe...but i'll stay up as long as i can lar...first,i got things to do...2nd,to make sure he's safe =) before i end this post..

bie,though it's been a short journey with you but i found it memorable...there's been challenges we faced this month...the solution is yet to be found sooner or later...pls hold on and bare with me my dear...i love you

randomz

i hadnt been updating my blog for few days already...yes...i had plans for these few days...well...from where i stopped...

my gang and i went to pavilion on the 23th to watch the movie "72 tenants of prosperity"...i had already watched it before with my family...so tat was my 2nd time...i wanted to re-watch bcuz i found it hilarious =) we had our breakfast there...class ended at 10am...hl wanted to eat carbonara spaghetti...well,i said,okay =) as usual,we took photos anytime,anywhere =) after the movies,we went for try-but-not-buying shopping...he headed to lynn's hse to bai nian after tat...she's feeding us with lotsa yummy cookies...and no,i didnt get tempted =P we played nintendo wii too...it's very tiring but fun =) i spend the late evenings with my bie..he wanted to eat carbonara too...so we headed to milwaukee for it =)

on the 24th,ntg special too...went to college as usual...after class,me and lynn went to steven's corner to yam cha =) talked alot...non stop in fact...and it's like never ending stories...i spend the evening with my bie again...went to have dinner with his family...the twins and yana,were really cute~!!!

on the 25th,as planned earlier...after class,i'll be going to pyramid to meet my sec frens...been 2 years we hadnt meet...class ended at 11am today...went to old place for breakfast with lynn,ck and ed...zx joined us later...was gossiping...then the aunty,whom we always ordered our food from,gave us an ang pao...it's really so nice of her...then i'm rushing off to pyramid...meet my other half,darling yuan and peggy...actually peggy was the 1 whom i hadnt met for 2 years d...ever since we graduate...then caroline came over just to say hi then off she went back to THE ONE for her class...we 3 headed to FullHouse for yam cha...took pic for memories...peggy went back at 4pm...me and yuan linger around searching for high waist skirts or pants...found 1...but it wasnt really nice...i went home around 5.30pm...kinda em seh tak my darling...but we'll still have chances to meet up =)

when i reached home,maid told me alex had arrived...alex was the caucasian whom my family host before =) he's going back to new zealand tomolo..we had dinner together...after tat,we went for the night market...he opened the car door for me~!!!! i was soooo paiseh...because he was the one person (as in outsider) other than my frens,opened the car door for me =) but it felts great...real gentleman he is...picked sist up from tuition..headed home...watched dvd...then we celebrate sist birthday =)

i think i left sth out...but my memory is real bad...i couldnt recall wat i wana post...well,i told bie bout his birthday suprise PLAN A ytdy...since i felt that the PLAN A wasnt going to work,i told him everything....anyway,my PLAN B & C are coming up =) heheh...i dont know what he felt inside...he didnt express it out...all he said was ask me not to do this and that...waste money,saying bringing myself troubles...no bie~!! u're wrong~!! tat aint gonna be troubles...it's wat i felt which is worth it...all i hope is,my baby boi will get wateva he wanted most =D

new day,new sem

my first class of the new sem started today...well,as usual...not tat late...still got time to chit chat...hl said that the lecture hall smells like sth get burned...well,i smell it too...the electricity was down too...is it sth bad?? the first day...happened this and that...or am i just being superstitious?

it's Tamadun Islam for our first class...yeah,it was boooowwwriinngggg~!!!! lecturer just explain to us bout the unit plans and briefly bout the subject...me,as the well known sleeper,felt sleepy...i feel like sleeping....this subject,it's just more or less neutral feelings i had bout it....as i was an 'A' student for my history...but i guess,it would be a bit diff...so,we'll see then =)

class ended early by few mins....we went to cannes tea hse for our brunch...talked a lot there...edmund did join us too...yes,it was the same gang again =) then i fetch lynn home...but we need to wait for her parents to come home...as she doesnt have the hse keys...then on my way back,i saw ed was behind me...i wind down the window and wave "hello" =D hehehe

i had a walk with bie today...after he's off work...at desa parkcity...it was a short 1...but i'm already sweating...it was going to rain...with lightnings and thunder,dark clouds....then we went for a yam cha session with sun kiew at big tree...talk a lot of stuffs...

one thing that my bie said had struck me all of sudden...telling sun that it was a hard climb to impress my dad..among all the words,he mention san fu...yes,i'm shock and at the same time,it hit me...sad ofcourse...i never expect him to say that...i dunno how to describe how i'm feeling...because,as i always tell him,i never wanted to be his burden moreover never wanted my family to get in between us...

yes bie,i understand you of how much u wanted dad to accept you...but what bout me? i wanted it more than anyone else...just let it flow okay?? there's no need of you to do anything...i'm sure,the time will come...you wanted me to be honest...to be honest,i still am afraid...afraid of the past will be repeated once again...

pathetic sunday...

right where i stopped...indeed...today was a very pathetic day for me....it's just soooo not my day..real moody today...

after my last post,i went for a swim...tat's one of the way to make my day around...came back like after an hour and a half...i finished reading the DnB blog today...

time like this,i just came back from dinner and night market with the family...will be heading to stepmum's hse later...a.k.a my nanny...they're hokkien lang...so will be doing praying and stuff...my bro just called too...surprised eh? i was...talk a lil while...then will be continue later when i'm at his hse...

you know wat? i'm still looking for my one true self...it's been lost ever since....like i dunno when...i really wan her back...the smile on my face,like there's ntg i would be worried of...the outstanding personalities i owned...is she still here?? i can answer you,nope...you might see her again 1 day...but not now...she's lost...all left out alone...in a dark corner...which there's oni me...seeing no one else...yes,she's aint happy...she's a drunkard...ones who drink and drink like an acoholism?? you might not notice,in fact...she is...but with faith,i believe i'll find her back one day

as u can see..my way of blogging...the english i used...my mood is still down...hope tomolo will be better...i vowed to myself that i would stop eating after 4pm everyday...the day i stopped is when the day i'm satisfied with my body...off to prepare myself to meet nanny and family =)

another sem...

yes...another sem has just passed and tomolo my class is starting...a new sem...in fact,it's the last sem for my diploma programme...results will be releasing on the 8th of march...i wish i would pass every single subjects...enough for the opening...now,the main story...

i had a bad day today...waking up at the wrong side of the bed? nope,it wasnt...in fact,i was having 1 whole bad week...my cny holidays was not as happy...except for the part when i spent my time with bie...started with today...dad was in a very bad mood...so we woke up as late as usual...he's not fond of it...scolding this and tat...and we're rushing...i didnt speak a word with him until now...we went to kl for our brunch...then went to emart to settle his walkie talkies...then we went home....

ytdy...had brunch with my mum...she asked how's dad and i and stuffs like tat...then after that,i headed to bie's house for a swim...poor baby,waited for me for hours...we swam till 6pm...it's very cold there...mayb cuz of the location of it...top hill...with windy windy feel...went home after that to do sth...then at nite,we had dinner together...at subway,pavilion...i wanted to go there very long time ago d...but sth happen later on that nite...there's none movie available...all seats were taken...then another thing is,bie was really pissed off because of the parking system...yes,he's face and eyes is full of fire...i was really afraid of him tat time,so i kep quiet the whole time...i knew it was my fault...he didnt like it there...so it's the first time and the last time i'll go there with him...dad was like tat,louis was like tat and now...you're like tat...nvm lar...i'll enjoy it with my frens...we headed to times square to watch "percy jackson & the lightning thief"...great movie it is...we ended up having issues later in the nite when we're talking on the phone...

bout last post...louis said i was and i am childish thinking of running away...here,i wana tell you,i aint...if i am,i would have run already...wouldnt be here thinking of this and that...yes,i couldnt take it anymore...daddy is pushing me to my limit...let's do hope,he wouldnt do it again...i'm old enough to let me go...to give me freedom...to stop controlling me like one of his puppets~!!! i'm sick and tired of it~!! FUCK IT UP~!! just think of it as a test of me being my independence...dont you want it tat bad last time,huh?

my cny...yes...every1 was happy receiving ang paos,enjoying time with their families and relatives...one thing that made my cny so fuck up was dad...this is where all my hopes are gone and lost...cny was suppose to be happy...welcoming new year...new starts and stuffs like tat...it's a bad start for me...well,no point looking back now...

she's in real bad mood now....gonna take a stroll later...or a swim...

once again...disappointments

visit bie's blog for a full story.. http://www.x-o-dus.blogspot.com/

the whole thing starts with the argument of me and my dad for coming back late...like wat i said,i was at bie's there helping out and meeting his family members on the 3rd day of cny...bie drank beer and i even make him a Bacardi...he even take me a Gold Label...it's not a bad one...i kinda like it but it really fires up my throat and i can feel the heat in my stomach....later at nite,when every1 went home...he and his family sat down and have a lil chat while trying on his mum's shaker...we were plannin to go back at 3am on the very same day...but somehow,both of us slept till 6am...

the argument mainly was bout me...it aint your fault bie...i too,slept over...after that argument,i dun ever wana face him...even just a lil while for breakfast...so i made up my mind and ask bie to go for a breakfast just for 2...then we headed to Chamang waterfall...bie said it's beautiful...but i felt it's normal...water there is so cold as usual...then bie wana go to Batang Kali's waterfall..so i said ok and we went...i love it there...the water there is even colder....

we went to Gohtong Jaya to have bak kut teh...i never tot of it...but when he mention it,i wana eat it already...as usual,we still talk and ask questions bout each other...but i was always the 1 who's asking questions most of the time...mayb it's a gurl nature? or mayb i always tell him everything without him asking it?

after that he fetched me back to bentong...after seeing such jam which is heading back to kl,he decided to stay another nite here at bentong...but he overnite in a hotel instead of my house...after finding a hotel,he sent me bek...and arguments start all over again...

i was using my loud voice to speak with dad because i'm feeling pissed off...i felt what bie feel...discrimination is all i can say...and how naive i am to think he was as open minded as my mum...even mum can accept him,why not you? i'm really disappointed..i was crying while arguing and my whole body was shaking...shaking wasnt cuz i were scare of dad...shaking was bcuz i'm really angry till i had no more voice...i cried for hours...in the car,going for dinner,reaching the restaurant,while waiting for the food to be served,when the food is served,when i'm eating and there's where i almost choke myself...yes,everyone did look at me...but i dun give a damn...i'm really heartbroken...cried when we're going back too...rushing to my room....and there's my aunt(dad's sist) came in to comfort me...

i really dun ever feel like staying in this family anymore...as planned,i'll look for bie after that...i didnt wana show him the weak part of me and i dun ever more wana show him my crying face...but i couldnt help it..so i was crying and he was wet...sorry bie...then i went to mum's cuz she wanted a drink and i brought my cousin out for a yam cha session...

she's a year younger than me...but we can communicate...most of the time,she's the one who can talk to me bout all the matters other than my close frens...and among all my cousins,she's the only 1 whom i can trust and talk too...we talked...bie was sitting there,listening to our stories..her mum called..like an hour later? asking us to go back...then i guess,the suggestion was from my mum,asking me to overnite at her side...i agreed...as i dun feel like going back to that house anymore,seeing my grandma's acting face and dad...dad wasnt home,so i just sms him and then i'm off...

me and my cousin was stayin up all nite talking bout my prob...and i told her bout the "running away from my house's" plan...then she told me,she overheard my mum saying,"if her dad force her again,she'll definitely run away"..even mum understands that the way dad using is so wrong...so conservative...or ancient?

bie went home the next day early in the morning...me too,went back to kl in the afternoon...at nite,we went for a movie...we watched "true legend"...bie said it was a bit sienz...i had no comment =)


you know,i always fear that this would happen...but it did...not the 1st time...when i was with louis,he did object too...but what i fear most is you couldnt bare with me and give up like how louis did...i will stay strong,bie...for you,for me and for our future...let's give him some time okay??
and another thing,bie....it's not that i didnt think of going to your house...i had thought of it before...just tat i didnt say it out doesnt mean tat i didnt think of it...it's that i'll bring problems and troubles to you...even staying at my mum's,i too think of it...so i rather handle everything myself rather than bring you to trouble...get it? dont worry okay?? i'll work it out...just another 2 and a half more years,then i'll graduate...by tat time,i dun need to depend on him anymore...work and with my savings,i can survive =)

CNY updates!

Happy chinese new year peeps~!! and happy valentines day...this year,i spent my time with my family as you all noe tat it falls with the cny! tho bie is not by my side,i can still feel him with my heart...nothing much...i spent my cny like the years before...guess where i am now? i'm at bie's house...how? why? you may asked...well,the story begins...

i was complaining of how bored i am there...growing fungus and stuff...and how i wish he would be there with me...and he did say mayb...i was happy enough...even if he couldnt make it...why? cuz he had the thought of coming before and the thought of meeting my family...you know how much meeting the family members are important to me...both mine and his....

somehow,he and his mum argue...but the root of the problem was all because of me...sorry bie =( i was really afraid that his mum wouldnt like me...but it turn out sth unexpectedly...he did came and arrive at 10pm last nite...i brought him to supper,he was starving or hungry? he said hungry...but the feeling he gave me was starving...haha...to a coffee shop nearby mum's...we saw grandpa and cousins...then after cousins leave,my mum and my aunt reached...introducing my bf to them...they played cards till 3sth...i was having a good time...cuz he's by my side both mentally and physically...

the next day...which is...today,we came back to his house to prepared an open house lunch and dinner...i did help out a lil...washing dishes,peeling off ginger's skin,help his mum carry out stuff,help out with the toast and etc...i was really very super duper nervous...but everything turns out to be okay...for the first time,his mum talks to me...i am still nervous now...after helping out with carrying the tables,i went back to kitchen to was the dishes...his dad was cooking...his mum was there,curi makan...haha...you know what she did?!!! she peel off the prawn's skin and feed me when i was washing~!!!! ARGH~!!! i damn pai seh lor even tho i said thank you...but deep down,i'm happy too =)

later after the open house event,we're heading back to bentong again...i pity my bie...for not resting enuf =( we're going to Chamang waterfalls tomolo =) hope he'll like it there...and hope i rmb the road to the waterfall...lolz...

just a few days back,i rmb bie promised me tat he'll update his blog...he wrote stuffs bout me...bie,you know what? i'm feeling the same way too =) i will never even try to tear you down,my other half who is as fragile as me...bie,it was a yes becuz i had feelings for you already and i neednt you to show me your sincerity already...because i knew,i found the right 1...tat's why it was a yes =) and the reason i asked him to blog because,i wana know bout his present status i shall say? or present thoughts? and a lil more of his job =)

i'm gonna end this blog already...because i feel it's such nuisance of staying in the room...i shall go out and continue to help out...wish me luck that i'm not going to do anything stupid =)

off to Bentong

here's 1 last post before i'm heading back to hometown...nope,i'm a kl-ian...was born in kl...that hometown,was my parents...i'm already hungry...while waiting for my sister to get ready,i'm writting this...

just wana wish everyone happy chinese new year and happy valentine's too...bie,i think when you read this,i went back d lorrr...very sienz ar there...hope you can come find me lerrr...accomodation,i can provide =) seriously,aint joking here

k lar...i gotta off...to continue drawing my manicure and take the luggage to chuck them into the car...

I LOVE YOU

my bie...my first tear drops for him...

went out with my bie ytdy...to have lunch with him...and ever since ytdy,i understands why he always spends time with me whenever he can...bie's job is not an ordinary one,or shall i say,it's not the one we always used to hear...risky...with heights...

just heard that bie will have lotsa jobs to do in the upcoming months...is MONTHS not 1 month...sadly,i can already feel how painful it is not to meet the 1 u loved in months and missing him...however,as i said before,i will cope with him and go thru the days toughly...i also know that i'm not the only 1 who is in pain,he himself too will be...i wouldnt give up that easily and wouldnt let him go too..who knows,we might have the chance to meet up once a month? hmm...not if he's out of state...he will be going singapore too...but he'll be back also de lar =)

currently,i'm spending time now with him...at his hse...he's watching tv right now...after having our breakfast...i love the way he cuddle me when we sleep...he was sleeping,but i didnt fall asleep...i was looking at him the whole time...my tears were around my eyes,he didnt notice it at first...cuz i turn away as soon as the tears drop...after waking up from his nap,he saw...mayb it was too obvious...sorry bie...my tears couldnt stop rolling down...

the reason for my teardrops was a really silly one..just that i couldnt let him go...i misses him a lot...imagining the months when he'll be busy...i really "em seh tak" him...that's why,whenever i think of the pain,my tears fall...especially....looking into your eyes,making me harder to leave u even just for a month...yeah,i noe...after reading this,you'll say i'm silly...indeed i am...

URGH~!!! nvm that...i've overcome this before...it was 2 months back then...so i guess,i can overcome it again this time =) cheers...it was a first time me driving to his house alone...to test my memory...but luckily,i aint dumb...hehe...i remember the road...

i will be going back to hometown tomolo first thing in the morning...wishes to get back on time for bie's open house...meeting his family members are important to me...i havent pack my luggage yet...gonna chuck everything in...hehe...lazy to pack them one by one...

08022010 - 09022010

it's a sum up post of what i did in the past 2 days...summarizing them up...well..on monday,bie came and said wanted to bring choco out for a walk...but he forgotten that he had dinner with his boss...so we went out after that...didnt bring choco,cuz i'm lazy to take care of him...we went to desa parkcity for a walk while having "the ultimate" from the coffee bean...we talk a lot bout ourselves...we feel the breeze,even there's 1 uncle put on very romantic songs..jazz and blues...we were enjoying ourselves,looking at the stars...bie said it's very romantic =) went home bout 11sth i guess...

then on the tuesday,i wana go to sunway pyramid and separate my phone bill account with louis...i did insist on going on tat day..bie fetched me...and sorry bie,for not accompany-ing you for your dinner and for making you wait...freddy was there too...he slim down already from the last time i saw him...when we're heading back,suddenly darling yuan sms me saying she's in pyramid too...i straight called her up...and i told her i'm going back already...will be meeting up with her tomolo =) i didnt wana go home when we reached kepong,cuz i'm missing bie badly even he's beside me...sorry bie,i didnt know you're tired...u should have say it out...we went to yam cha with sun kiew at big tree...slowly,i knew bit by bit bout my bie =) all thanks to sun..hehe

i couldnt sleep even i was very tired...i read a book bout "nobody is perfect"..haven finish reading it yet...it's bout how teens cant accept their own true self especially their physical look...bie called later on...saying he had sth like rashes...silly bie...we hang up after a while..cuz i noe he's exhausted after those setting up for demos (correct me if i'm wrong)...i kept tossing on my bed...still couldnt sleep...thinking bout sth...end up,i decided to sms bie bout 2sth am...almost 3 i guess

later i'm going to have a walk with bie again...let's hope that the weather is in good 1..wanted to jog,wanted to swim...but gurls had her own week =( too bad...have gotta wait...

i read bout lilian's blog again...she insulted herself of how stupid or insane she is biting herself to switch the pain from her heart to her hand...she really did all the ways like how i did it...just tat,i bit myself,scream with the pillow covering my head in my room so tat no one could hear me,imagining how good it is if there's a car accident that could make my memory loss,and i even tried cutting my hands with my blade...yes,there's blood...at tat time,there're scars too...but somehow,they recovered and poof,they're gone...

like all my frens did remember,how forgetful i am....i wish i could be forgetful on how painful that is...i am some1 who suffers memory loss and decision disorder a lot...but mainly,i forget what i said not forgetting how good ppl treat me and what they say to me...so i'm kinda useless right? blur at most of the time too...

this year,the valentine's day is on the exact same day as the cny...like how i used to think when i was single,i'm happy cuz i had my families...but now,after habing bie,it's kinda sad that you couldnt spend these days with your loved ones...we've been meeting each other continuously since last friday and i never get bored with it...instead,i'm missing him even more...hope to take more pictures with my bie in the coming days...

my own personal thoughts...

everything i wrote here,is just my personal feelings...not even bie andrew knew bout it...i've been reading his blog this 2 days...still reading it...i didnt know so much until then...all the things he went thru..

you know,it's not easy being his tenth...he is a very simple guy who's requesting his gf's honesty only...but...i do wana surprise him in every way...i wana do something different from his ex(s)...i wan him to be happier...the way i said it's not easy being his tenth because wateva i'm trying to do,his ex might have already done it or mayb sth even bigger...just wish me luck on the upcoming surprise...

i love giving my own bf a surprise because i myself love having one too...he's someone worth of...not like the past 2...who doesnt appreciate me for who i am...instead,blaming me...cant they see,the small things that i'm doing?? bie andrew saw every single thing...he's the one...even i cover up his blanket for him in the middle of the night,he's happy enough...

(this paragraph was deleted earlier by a hacker known LOUIS MOK~!! i'm re-writting this back..fucking frustrated now~!!does he know what is privacy~!!!) i was on a phone chat and msn chat with him earlier on...he suddenly talk bout our past...saying how GOOD he treated me...but i said nope...he treated his current gf better...selling his car spare parts to buy things for her...even for her bday,he bought her presents without her asking for it...but me? i'm the one who asked for a joint party and i'm the one who planned everything....he asked me to leave bie..i duno wat he want...maybe he's lost or sth lidat as his gf treated him very bad now...he scolded me,"u and evonne are the same~!!! always wanted surprise surprise surprise~!!! go find Mr. Surprise as ur bf lar~!!!" is it wrong if a gurl loves surprises?? my heart aches...pls heal me up...pls answer my question..is it really that wrong?

i show bie the cuppacakes...he said it's nice...i wonder if he likes it or not...i shall ask him later again tonite...then there might be a change of plan =)

i'm awake now...i know wat's the best for me...i just want my bie...ntg else and no one else...my bie take note into everything i said...like i said,i'm fragile and handle me with care...he remembers it...even a very small particular things,in cantonese we called it "sai sam"...he's sweet...i love you,bie

Untitled..

i had no idea for the title...sorry for not putting a proper one...i had nothing to do today...so,i make up my mind to read my dear's blog...i've read lotsa pages...so far,i've stopped reading till somewhere he's in ipoh with evelynn...

i understands why he or any1 else doesnt like speaking bout their ex...but to me,they are the past..in fact,i dun mind listening it at all..cuz i want to know more bout you,my dear...i'm still thinking a name calling for my dear andrew...it was once bubu...but it doesnt sound appropriate...still thinking of it..

i even read lilian's blog on him...seeing her suffering this much,it's very painful to me...i do bcuz i've been there...she posted another 1 just now...bout being a biatch...every steps she's taking was the same as i did...trying to be a player,be a bisexual,trying to hurt myself..trying to be some1 i wasnt...and i did hurt myself...ever since that day,i regretted till now..i hope she wouldnt do sth tat she will be regretting...hoping she'll find her own true self one day...

i really thank God for letting dear appear in my life...it's like the most wonderful thing tat had ever happen...he never mind the way i look...every small particular things,he do take attention...like ytdy,when we're eating our breakfast...and i smiled suddenly...he asked why i smiled...i didnt tell him...i was very happy smiling from inside my heart...i wouldnt mention it here,cuz i noe u'll read,my dear =P

i really want you for myself..and for myself only...i didnt know that such guy still do exists...i thank you my dear...i'm sorry for being such a burden to you...as for your past,i dun mind...i just wana stay happily with you at this very moment...no matter what comes up ahead,i'll be prepared to go thru it...

dear called today and saying that he saw louis's fotos in my pendrive...dear,tell me honestly,do you mind? but i dont mind if you really wana delete it...it was my past memories...i didnt had a nice one anyway...all he gave me was a heartbreak all the time...you noe what,you're the first 1 who open up my pendrive..no1 ever did...not even my family...

i dont know how to put them words together...but i do know,you're important to me..i'm confident that you'll bring happiness to me...the ones that i've been long searching for...thank you dear =)

I LOVE YOU

the PD trip 06022010

woke up at 8.10am today...getting myself prepared to go to PD with my dear...he woke up late~!!! haha...but it's forgivable lar =) for the breakfast,we went to the old place..wanted to call lynn but my fon was barred and i rmb she said she's having breakfast with her family...the whole trip was so tiring...though i did nothing there...or is it,i kept sitting in the car that make me so tiring
i met audrey,dear's sister,ana and the twins...ana is very pretty and cute too...love her...talkative,active and notty...lolz...and smart too...reach his hse bout 5sth...i knew he's very tired...cuz he woke up early just to come and fetch me and he drive quite a long way...to and fro...

we talked alot today...wana know more bout him...he wanted to have another piercing...actually i dont mind...but all i think of is our future...but,i'm sorry dear =( i understand your concept of not changing yourself...and i'm sorry that i said tat way...it's not discrimination...but i wouldnt force you if you dun wan to..
i understand,cuz i also have my own concept to keep..i'm really sorry...dun worry lar...do wateva you want with it...as long as your comfortable =) that's you anyway...your looks doesnt count...all that counts is what's in you =D love you dear...

i thinking of re-piercing my nose...i had 1 before...but bcuz of one person,i took it off...sud i re-pierce? i do like nose piercing...after all,my dad didnt disagree with it...but i would need to go thru the pain again...or mayb a tattoo? drew said i sud tattoo a "fragile"...i tot so too...or my name would be nice =)

the new skin...

it's sth like turning into a new leaf...getting a new life now...leaving my past behind me...though at times,i still think of it...a new chapter begins in my life on the 31st Jan 2010...
he's kinda different...funny,cheerful,3 8,and all the other characteristics u found in me,was in him too..i can feel the loved he gave me and i'm very afraid of losing him like how i lost louis...this time,however,it's stronger ever than before...
he gave me a kind of feeling which is beyond words to describe them...secured feeling mayb? but i cant judge it at this very moment...becuz we just started...drew,would you please handle me with care?? i'm very fragile...too fragile to be broken...
will be off to PD trip tomolo with him and his sist =)

updated 02022010

we met up at terminal putra around 9 sth am...started our journey at 10 sharp...ck was late~!!! we took lotsa fotos at the station and in the bus itself...we were the youngest there...the rest were all senior citizens...
after 45 mins, we reached the cable car station...as usual,fotos time again...we checked in...actually there wasnt any rooms left till 3pm...so we chged room from 1 queen sized bed to double queen sized bed without any extra charges...
me and ck havent had our breakfast and wy & cy were feeling hungry for their lunch...we ate at a restaurant located in our hotel..finished around 12...then off to the theme park...most of the rides were under maintenance...yeah,so u could imagine how "fun" it was...lolz
we felt very tired vv soon...cuz we were in heels~!!! finished our tea break around 4sth...went back to hotel,rest and clean up ourselves for the next section...and guess wat,i'm still bathing with the door open...lolz...
we prepared ourselves for the dinner...dinner wasnt satisfying...then we walked around...wanted to watch movie there...but didnt noe why,we kept walking and we didnt stop by the cineplex...there's an exhibition there...on new year's stuff...we stopped by at the bridge there to listen to the R&B music...silly wy was dancing as if she's in the club..
we were so tired after a long walk...we sat down...finally,we decided to go starbucks...i had ice blended mocha...tiramisu & another choc cake...we share amongst ourselves..ck wasnt feeling well,so he didnt get anything for himself...chit chat,took fotos again...enjoying the cool breeze....but as the time was passing by,the cool breeze turns into SUPER DUPER cold wind and the fog was heavy...we went back as ck wasnt feeling well...
here i am,sitting at old town...will be back to kl tomolo...updating soon with the fotos =D

Trip 02022010

it's 8am in the morning...well,as we planned earlier,we're going to genting...it was suppose to be all gurls...which is me,wy,cy and lynn...but lynn couldnt go,instead,ck took her place...erm...ck is consider as our gang and he's quite close to us lar..i guess tat's alright...
andrew will be fetching me...will be meeting wy at the melawati station...then oni to the bus stop...cuz i dunno where it's located...it's still early and i'm already well prepared...will be back on the 3rd...hopes that this trip is better than i thought lar...