a lil of now and then...

before i start any of my stories,i wana COMPLAIN~!! yes yes yes~!!! i know i do complain much...guess i'll make a good critic some day eh? =P i wana complain bout the blogger's setting lar...ish...wat happen? the words are sooo huge...and everything's out of space d @.@

on monday : well,tutorial classes officially starts today...i'm having english class again...i'm glad to see this on my time table...but it's gonna be tougher...much tougher T.T we'll be emphasizing on management mainly...like job seeking skills,proposals,meeting and such...

i had been thinking bout sri kl's open day...the school of which i studied for 12 years..yeah...from pre school to primary to high school...the other day,i passed by my school...OMFG~!! their uniforms~!! why changed so much?! so UGLY~!! i'll be going back i guess...just hasnt confirm the date and time yet...

we'll skip tuesday,shall we? cuz there's aint anything extraordinary's happening...except that,i'm growing fungus at home cuz no classes...

on wed : i almost slept during lecture...but i didnt...still,it's very boring~!! gahhh~!! but tutorials was alright =) went to old place for brunch...aunty was so shock and happy to see us there...hehee...stills,nothing much for this day...

on thurs : i had this computer class...we're so curious and excited bout it...ended up,it's just like any other comp classes we had before =( me and lynn went to hand in the convo form...then meet up with yuen...and i saw steven...just hi & bye greeting cuz he's in the car,way across the road...

bie came over at night...was happy to see him...as usual =) he was with me the whole night...and this time,baby did change...he loves bie a lot...licking him and not barking at him at all...ish~!! i know you're gonna say lovable mar...grrr~!!! went to teppanyaki for his dinner...and we walked back to his car which was behind the building...back to my mum's shop,i was talking to her,telling her that her clothes were in the car...and before i could take it,bie had already took it and came walking back..my mum blame me saying how could i let him take...this and all...ish...u see,mummy sides you =(

but overall,still was the same,i'm just happy when he's here with me,right beside =)

on friday : great! it was a public holiday today...and i tot i could sleep a lil longer...but too bad,i had this bad news when daddy woke me up early in the morning...he came in,woke me up and said,"faster wake up! go eat breakfast then go for dental check ups...i had made appointment for all 4 of u"

and i was like,WTF~!!! DENTAL~!!! i hate going to the dentists cuz i'm afraid...ish~!!! but he still forces us to go =( done scaling...wanted to do whitening...but have to make another appointment for tat...sigh...

went out for shopping...walk till my legs hurt...it still hurts now...i guess no more heels for me for now huh? i wana go urut ar~!! going yam cha soon =)

oh~!! before i forgot,i bought the materials d...it's for something which i'm gonna make and promised to give bie half year from now..i haven started doing anything yet...still under-thinking mode...ngek ngek ngek~!!!

being mysterious as i always am,i hope it works this time...why the date u might ask...i'm gonna reveal everything when the timing is right =)

there was once,there was twice...i tried to hold on

22052010 : went to pyramid and met up with my secondary skul mates...all from diff forms...they were peggy,ky,joo kiat,wei how and *unknown...i forgotten his name...lolz...mayb he's just not so popular tat's why..haha...no offence taken right?

i hadnt had my breakfast yet...so i was super duper hungry...i only get to eat at 1sth-2plus...joo kiat accompany me...went for sakae sushi again =) walked around to look for a necklace tat i wanted...but i found none...so back to amp square,a place where they sing k...i left early...took photos before that...

was waiting bie to came back to kl...took a nap earlier on...bie went off work bout 9plus at night...and we had a silent war going on...because we had misunderstood each other...he asked me to plan for the night cuz he was too tired that he had mental block...

so i'm alright with it...i plan that we'll go for dinner and then to movies...i really tot that he wana go for dinner...but when he came by,he says he dun wana eat...and for that,i didnt plan...and he started to raise a bit of his voice...

i wasnt giving him a slient treatment...i kept silent because i'm afraid and i dont know that to say...he's far too bad mood...so well,we went to 1u...no movies and he fetch me back...my heart aches at that time...for i waited so long,just wana spend time with him,and now,we met not even for 30mins...he sent me home =(

he turned around becuz i couldnt open my hse door...i'm just so sad and so fucked up...i fatt lan zha at my door...and family was heading for a movie...they came bek to change their clothes...but we were alright then...spend time with him till midnight 1sth...

23052010 : woke up really late today...thanks to bie,the msg he sent woke me up...or else,i dunno what time i'll be waking...porridge for breakfast...it tastes,so so...wanted to go out and get sth better instead...but no cars =( tat saga,the workers had it...the wish,daddy drives out...as for the bmw,daddy took the key with him...so i just gotta take watever i have...

watch drama and was practicing piano..for my exam is very near...bie went off work bout evening...i couldnt go to his hse cuz i gotta go dinner with daddy...we went to D'Fortune...i didnt order any main course...just side orders...

i just feel like purging everything out...i felt so fat...and i did before i went to a movie date with bie...we watched "A nightmare on elm street" at 1u...horror movie it was...it thrills me~!! and i kept knocking to bie's head...sorry =(

i rmb back then,before we started,we watched "case 39"...that movie was a thriller too...and we hold hands =) i smile to myself when it's repeating again...but this time,i bite as well...lolz

i was a lil bit of kepoh,shall i say? cuz i checked his fon when he was paying the parking ticket...i had to go thru it so quickly from inbox to outbox that i only read thoroughly...it strucks me once again...bie came back smiling,and i smiled back...i'm acting as tho ntg happen at all...

but i just cant stop my curiousity and i'm tired of guessing...and so,i asked him on the spot...he explained...but i do not know how to believe him...it was chrnc before and now,unhappiness with me? i'm so heart broken that i break into tears...

why there are so many troubles coming for us?
misunderstandings?
to tear us apart?
i was asking myself,why there's so much coincidence?
or was it really coincidence?
the angels and devils were having a war inside my mind...

i tried to be an understanding gf...
i tried to get close to you...
i tried everything i could...
i gave everything i can...
i hold on everytime...
even if it's repeating...

for there was once...and there was twice...
i just hold on no matter how...
even if the cut goes deeper...

if i could...
i would like to be innocent...
i would like to be as dumb as possible...

but i couldnt...
because of my experience...
pls dun start saying that i'm comparing u with other guys...
it's just not...
it's just that i'm sensitive and i dun wana go thru it anymore...
that's why i'm much more aware...

i dun wana check any of your stuffs anymore...
phones,laptops...
unless i was too "lucky" to see it accidentally

i told you that...
i'll hang on to you no matter what...
i'll cope with you...
i'll stay with you...
i'll not leave you...
and i kept my promises...

that is why,no matter how much scars u leave on my heart...
no matter how much i hurt because of those misunderstandings...
no matter how much i cried...
no matter how tough it is...
no matter how...
i'll still hang on...
because i'm truly in love with you...
for i wanted only,was to be with you

the long term relationship that we both wanted
the future that we promised to each other...

yes,i'm fragile...
yes,i'm all torn apart...
yes,my heart is full of scars and scratches...
but still,i wanted you the most...

trust is really important...
but it's fading slowly...
i just dont know how anymore...
with so much things happen...
i'm afraid...
just far too afraid that i had to protect myself...

drew,
can you please secured me?
can you please hold on to me?
can you please not let go?
can you please not stop loving me?
can you please?

it's gonna be our 4th month in a week time...
i love you~

back to college...

this is gonna be a boring post...because i still haven find the inspiration to write...just writting and posting it in case i forgot...as i said,my blog is like my memories =) but i'll skip sunday,because it's just a very usual day with my usual routines...

17052010 : it was suppose that my class started today...but it was canceled because they needed the venue for briefing for students from other branches...well,as i know,bie will be back from genting today and he'll be reaching home bout morning-afternoon...

so,me and my mates planned to go to college and ask bout our orientation and stuffs lidat...but i woke up late...haha...cuz the night before i slept bout 3am plus...i'm sorry peeps =( but i'm waiting them at steven's corner to have our breakfast...

yuen and lynn reached bout 10.30am...cy didnt join cuz she's going out and ck went for gym...so it's only 3 of us...we chit chat alot~!! HEY! it's been so long we didnt meet each other...ofcuz there's lotsa updates...haha...we fetch lynn home after that and i went to pump petrol for my car...

our next plan was to go swimming at bie's house...yuen followed...by the time i reached parking lot,bie called saying tat he had unload everything and he's coming home...me and yuen swam first...and i received this pants from cy as a souvenir from bali...

at first,i tot i couldnt wear the pants...because i pull it's rubber to it's highest limit...i kept complaining to yuen tat i couldnt wear lar this and tat...but i do try on because,never try never know...SURPRISINGLY,i can wear~!!! jumping around in the toilet and rushing yuen to be faster...and she even got fed up...haha...cuz i just cant wait to swim mar

bie joined in later on...i felt more like we're soaking in the water than swimming because we just non stop talking...haha...i even went to the children's pool to play BECAUSE it's the only place where it has the slide...no kids were there at that time =P yuen went to work after that,and both bie and i went back home to take a nap..he's exhausted i know...

18052010 : planned to watch movie with bie...since it's his holiday and i wana be with him whenever i could...so,i reached his home bout 10.36am..the plan was to ask him renew his licence,being such a forgetful person and a busy man,just wana remind and hope he can settle everything within these few days...

he was still sleeping...mi mi mo mo there...bout 12sth plus only we went to get our breakfast...then renew his licence and then went to wangsa maju to take his IC...by the time we settle everything,it was bout 2sth-3pm d...

we went to pavilion and watched "Robin Hood"...it was very jam way back home...cuz of the rain...and it was even much more congested on my way back home...because of the accidents...reached home bout 8 =(

19052010 : class officially started today...12pm to 2pm...didnt take my breakfast today...was rushing to college to take the car sticker then off to class...the lecture was REALLY BORING~!!! ish~!!! and there's so much students that the lecture hall couldnt fill them all up...late comers were to stand or sit by the staircase...because there aint any spaces left...

i went to bie's again...bought our brunch and eat at his house...we continued watching "sherlock holmes"...lolz...but up till now,it's still half way...because we ter-slept...i went home around 6pm cuz i gotta fetch sist to tuition...

but at night,bie came over to have his din din with me...we went to D'Fortune...cuz Milwaukee closed d and since he wanted to eat spaghetti so much...he order another side order too...i forgotten wat is it called...but it has cheese,salmon and ham in it...when he take a piece to eat and i saw the cheese hanging half way,my tongue SLIPPED and i was suppose to say PIZZA HUT,but instead,i said PIZZI HUT~!!

ALAMAK~!!
he's always laughing at me and with this,he laugh even more...but i love to see him laugh rather than the angry face or emo-and-lotsa-stuff-on-his-mind look...so,we laugh at my sillyness...he went home after the din din cuz he had to work the next day...

20052010 : woke up really early for my piano class...bie went to work as usual...
well,it's May 20th...i was planning to msg him up at 1314 hour and telling him "5201314"...he replied me sth very sweet...yes,he always stings me with his sweet words and for that,i always called him a sweet talker

a moment later,he called me up and say lunch? i say alright =) we went to metroprima jusco cuz he wanted to eat teppanyaki...we walked along those pc shops cuz he wanted to buy earphones for his psp...

on our way back to the parking lot,i saw my favourite car again,Toyota Rav4 (2 doors)...i pointed it to him and he kept saying that he'll get one before i do and sell it off after a month...damn~!!!

then,on our way back to his car,he took this flyer which says,"Restoran Barry Fresh" and he asked me to read quickly...he expected that i'll pronouce it as "Very Fresh" BUT instead,i read it out as "Barry Frish"...and there goes again...he's laughing~!! non stop...all the way out and back to my home...saying that he'll post it out into FB...ish~!!

i took a nap after i watch a drama...cuz i'm really so tired...

before this,he told me that he'll be leaving for penang by midnight...and so,during the available hours,i was with him and he came to my house...waiting for my sist and all...

it was an EXPRESS night~ =P

we went for din din after fetching sist...we have bak kut teh...and i SLIPPED my tongue AGAIN~!! this time,for i was going to say "YAO ZAR GUAI"...i said,"CHAR KEOW TEOW"~!! haha...he laughed ofcuz...i dunno wat happen and tat it slipped so frequently =(

we still have time before sist's class ended...so we decided to go pasar malam and walk around...it's my first time walking night market with him and it's DRIZZLING~!! and i met william there...the car team member...just a hello-bye greetings cuz i think tat was his gf tat i saw...dun wana give any troubles to him cuz as i heard,his gf is one who is very easy to misunderstood stuffs...

we talked in the car while waiting for sist...and finally he sent us home...after that,he's set off to his boss's hse and then off to penang...

21052010 : as for today,woke up at 7.30am...class was at 10am...gotta go early cuz we had a breakfast dates amongst us and we need to renew our student ID and then collect our car stickers...went to steven's corner again=( aunty didnt open today...sigh...

ck was concern bout my purging attitudes and he even warn me not to let him see that i went to toilet...haha...okay then,i wouldnt let you see =P
and as cy came by,she asked bout my nose...dun worry lar my dear darlings...i'm alright and i'll be fine =) i love you all and thanks for being concern =)

and so as i mentioned before,the lecture's hall isnt enough to fill up all of us and we're late..so,no place for us to sit...gotta sit on the staircase =( vv pathetic lar~!!! ISH~!!! i pay to study in a good and comfortable environment...NOT THIS~!!! ISH~!!!

and dun give me an answer by saying,"i'll might be thinking whether to open up another group or not for the lecture"~!! well,i tell u,you sud be~!! DAMN IT~!! takkan u wan us to be the same way for 2 years...ish~!! went to collect our books after the lecture ended...

no matter how much time i'm spending with you,i'm not getting bored of it...
because it is the only time i can get close to you...♥

I met you once more..

from where i stopped,as i said,i'll be heading up to genting with louis,alex,pei chie and vincent...it's been so long i hadnt been there to feel the cold breeze...i rmb back then,used to go up twice a month or at least,once a month...that was way back then...

had my dinner before that...i just ate a couple of spoons of it and i couldnt finish the rest of it...as i mentioned before,i felt the guilt once more...so i stopped eating...went to desapark city to wait for the rest...

i enjoyed sitting in vincent's car...the speed he used when we're heading up,the stable-ness of the car...and because of that,i wasnt afraid at all...plus,maybe it's BMW,that's why i'm confident with it..we talked a lot...listening to some very old classic songs...

i remembered bie said that he's working outdoor...so my guess,it's Arena...and thanks to vincent for parking at theme park =) while walking down to the starbucks,bie waited me at the gate nearby as he told me earlier...finally,i saw him...he continued his work and i went to yam cha

ordered hot choc,bloody PMS made me couldnt drink ice blended mocha T.T GgAhhHH~!! things happened later on...

bie went off work vv soon and he came to pick me up...we went to old town to have a drink and he's hungry...a peanut butter toast for him...few of his colleagues bump onto us later on...i stayed with him until the gang wana go home...

he read my blog and asked wat was the last 2 paragraph about...i couldnt answer him because it was a question he answered me earlier on at oldtown and 2nd,i just couldnt say it out face to face...

yes,i know peeps...my confidence had been really very low lately...and i knew that too...hl,dun lar so worry =) and ck,i had been kept reading the dialogue of us bout this very same topic...
To hl : I guess you know the reasons behind it right? i really dont know how to gain it back for only one way...but no worries,kay? i'll be alright if i didnt get too over...wouldnt i?

Regarding the previous post,one of the decision i made was to never be so sticky and manja to my bf...i'm afraid that he'll get annoyed...But,he tried to convince that i wasnt,on the very same day at oldtown...but it was only one of the decision,NOT the only decision...get?

about the vacation : Bie,i'm sorry bout the reaction i gave you the other day when u said u wana go vacation with me...because i just lost hope and no matter how much i love to plan stuffs,i still couldnt plan with your unflexible time...i'm just sorry...i'm not blaming you or trying to say anything...maybe,i shall say i'm starting to get used to your working life? =)

it's a good thing,isnt it? no worries,my sweetheart...i wouldnt leave as how i promised you before just because of your work...instead,i'll hold on to you much stronger...because i know,you're the one...we'll go next time...there's always plenty of chances for us...like what you said,"we have forever"

i'll still be here...
i'll still kept our promises...
i'll still bare with you like how i always did...
i'll still love you as always...♥

changes i've decided to make

12052010 : as planned earlier,we're going to tenji...so first,i went to pick steven up from kelana jaya's lrt station...i haven prepared anything...even my hair was dried halfway...yuen was at my hse already...so i went home,make up and get prepared...cuz i reserved the table for 1.30...

and steven was rushing me...i just hate it when ppl did tat to me,cuz i get so nervous and that my make up will go wrong...and it did...so we're late for a couple mins...i'm driving wish since we're going to solaris...and u noe wat happens when yuen sit in my car...haha...she wana watch the same movie again "shopaholics"...haha

we went to collect our table and we were all already very hungry~!!! yuen took every diff sushi each...as usual,we always take photos...but this time,we took very few photos =( btw,tat day,tenji's air cond wasnt functioning well...i was sweating,so as yuen too...eating halfway,i received this call from bie...he asked me to go out to the outdoor and looked out to the highway...he saw me BUT i didnt see him at all =( UNFAIR AR~!!! ish...

we went back home at 4pm...they stay in my room till 5pm...steven was so sleepy tat he even slept on my bed...after that,we sit in line and do massage for each other ^^ it's so relaxing...thanks steven~!! =)

on thursday,i went to bie's place to help him pack his stuff to go genting for the next day...folding his clothes,waiting for him to put it into the luggage...watching him,loading his luggage...he even put the remote control into his luggage...this is weird...i didnt say a word cuz i tot he uses it to hang on to sth...he even take the 50 pieces cd and put it in...it's getting soo weird and i finally ask him...he was laughing...ish...trying to play a fool around...and we watched "sherlock holmes" together =)

14052010 : a very ordinary day it was...but teresa invited me to opera...i called yuen to come along too...but she couldnt come along...so i go myself...wanted to park jockey cuz it's nearer and safer...and bie wanted me to park there as well...but there isnt any spaces =( maybe it's late already...tat's why...so i park inside pyramid and i gotta walk so far...sigh...

met shea fern at the entrance...well,opera was very normal to me...but i dun really like it there...cuz dance floor was packed...met new frens...i was a lil surprised becuz i never knew there's still guys out there who like plump gals...but i'm sorry,i'm taken by him and i wouldnt stay this way for long =)

went home quite early too...bout 2sth...and my hair still smells like shits =( with the ciggarette and liquor smell all around...poor hair...later i'm going up to genting for yam cha lu =)

you know,after so many things happened,i realized i should get out of my cinderella world and face the real world which is cruel and realistic...i needed change badly...and i will indeed...from inside out...from how much i trust ppl to how i treat them...from my attitude to my physical appearance...everything will be change...no matter what,soon...you'll see a different me...pls dun blame me if u ever feel that i'm different...

on another note : i had this feeling...it's so weird...everytime i eat sth,i felt so guilty...so much guilt that i feel like purging it out...the guilt i felt was after i eat,i had this imagination of me growing fatter each time...and i will purge it out everytime...sigh...

her holiday trip with him...

hadnt been updating my blog since a while...there's lil bit of here and there that happened this few days which makes me felt so depress...but i shall start it with today first then only i'll talk bout the holidays...

11052010 : today is the day of our examinations results released...ofcuz i'm nervous bout it...but i didnt get to checked it until i'm back from piano class...piano teacher praised that i had improvements...well,this is not it...it's just tat sth's weird...i hadnt been practicing for more than a week and she praised...the other weeks that i practiced till my fingers bleed,she didnt say a thing to me at all...

went home,ofcuz the first thing i did is log on into the tarc website...i'm just so nervous,so afraid,hands sweating,heart's beating faster than ever...it's the time i shall checked my results and i passed all~!!! i'm happy...so as before,i told bie tat i wanted to go tenji because i hadnt been there since their opening...i msg up steven bout it and later on,i received a call from yuen...and we'll be heading there tomolo...so this is it~!! FOTOS~!! hahaha...

all 3 things had made me happy...so here comes the final one...the most important one as well...sweetheart promised me something...something that i requested as well but he didnt realized it until i say out...bie,i wana say,no matter how fragile i am...i'm ready to listen to whatever things...and EVERYTHING as well...i rather heard from you than from 3rd party or than i found out myself =)

Her holidays she spent with him (09052010 - 10052010) :
actually we're planning to go kuala terengganu bcuz bie said the sunset there is very beautiful...but we changed course to kuantan...and i love beach so much that i hope we could stay nearby a beach...listening to the waves and all...it makes me felt so relaxing...

the opening is very excited as u read on...but i couldnt continue anymore because it was a holiday that we didnt get to go...this was because bie received an urgent call and he had a show to do at putrajaya...so ended up,i just went to his hse to overnite...yes,i'm very disappointed but at the same time,i can do nothing...with all hopes of going to holiday with him,and now we couldnt...

on the very same morning which was bout 1am plus on sunday,we almost had a fight...he was in hot tempered,raising up his voice...but all i can do is to keep myself calm and kept telling myself that he was in a bad mood because he didnt have enough sleep...i sud understand him and all...

i was there finally early in the morning bout 5am i reached...before that,he did msg me up,a very long 1...apologizing for raising his voice and he said sth very sweet =) he was there to cuddle me up in my sleep...

woke up bout 11am plus...he need to set off to work...and as for me,i went to leisure mall to meet up with yuen...steven came to fetch me up...and surprisingly,he knows the way =) and when i found out,his ex stays nearby..haha...his life is very much alike with bie from the stories i heard...while waiting for him to reach,this is wat i did...hahah

looked like teacher,right? i'm not AV ar...ish~!!

both of us trying to act as tho we're selling sony ericsson phones XD
driver of the day with my glasses

yes i know i looked ugly...cuz i didnt put on make up...not a single thing...even the basics i didnt apply...haha...i reached home bout 5plus...and i thought of going for a swim...becuz it's just so boring sitting at home...i even asked his dad to come along...haha...it's still manners lar...

halfway thru,i get stomach cramped and i stopped...laying down on those long chairs,trying to get tanned as well...i still cant stand it anymore...so i went home...i guess i was too hungry...cuz i ate a few pieces of crackers and the pain's gone...sweetheart still hasnt get home...and i had nothing to do...

took some fotos after the bath =P

so i checked up his lappie after my bath...now,this is the part where all my depressions starts...i first starting to look at his conv with hl...he talked bout ernest...and i just read on...i wasnt angry or wat...i was just hoping that he could tell me everything tat bothers him to me...just anything and everything...it's like before when we're together...it makes me feels that i'm important to him...but instead,he didnt...i felt i'm so useless...that i couldnt do anything at all...i never did a thing successful for him before...it's NEVER...i felt that i'm a failure as his gf...i'm just a lil bit unhappy...

i put tat aside,i was planning to ask him when he get back home...so continue reading some chat boxes of those ppl i know...i saw sth which i didnt know how to react...it just strucks me...i called and ask him but he couldnt hear and there's a waiting call tat he needs to pick up...i was all alone in the room...thinking how and why could he do this to me...i cried...i cried so much that his blanket went wet,so much tat my eyes hurts...but still,it's the heart that hurts the most...

when i went up to take a tissue,he opened the door...the first thing i did is pushed him away and rushed to the toilet...luckily daddy and mummy didnt saw that...i know because they were outside sending their grand children home...staying inside the toilet for some time and i heard plates noises...and i tot he's in the kitchen...so i came out of the toilet and went back to the room...there i saw,he was laying down there...i didnt wished to discuss...

but we talked right after the dinner...by tat time,i still have a 70 of trust and 30 of suspicion...he went to bed early...and i was onlining...chatting with yuen and steven...telling her wat happened...i just needed some fresh air badly and tat i told them i wana get out of the hse...at first,they're trying to convince me to stay home...but tat doesnt works...so we went to sg long to yam cha...i just informed bie and i left the hse around 12am...

i needed someone to talk to so much...yuen was there,listening and she ask me to put tat 30 away...sigh...and we kena roadblock...i didnt had the licence cuz i was driving bie's car and the licence was left at the guard hse...i used yuen's ic and licence to act as mine and as for her,she used my ic as hers...surprisingly,the police didnt notice and they set us off...yuen was so nervous,i am as well..haha...

we sit and talked till 2sth oni we left...steven was so worried bout me...but yuen trying to calm him down by saying,"dun worry,she'll be fine becuz she's been thru tougher days than you ever imagine"...haha...i guess it did work...but guys,thanks for the accompaniment,esp you yuen...it's so late and u did come out for me =) you could imagine how heart broken i am,how pain it is,how suffocating it is...i still couldnt sleep when i reached home,so i just looked at his face...with the lights off,i still can see clearly...it reminds me of how we started back then...and in the end,i've chosen to trust him

i fell asleep and i woke up the next morning at 10...cuz he woke up,that's wat make me awake...he went to work tat day as usual...i'm staying home,hoping tat he'll be home early cuz it's my last day there...i went out to have breakfast with yuen at kfl hawker centre...

yuen went to work as well...so i just have to go home...i had ntg to do...i'm just too bored and too free...seeing his room in a mess,i planned to sweep the whole house...and i did...washed his clothes...and it rains after that,so i have to help mummy take the dried clothes and put it in...bie did warned me not to fold the clothes,and i listen...i even clean up his cupboard and his table...wanted to went for a swim,but it's raining =(

so while waiting,i took a nap...tat was 4sth i rmb...cuz i didnt sleep well the night before...bie called at 6sth saying he's off...i'm happy...so i prepared myself and just wait for him to reach home...we had dinner and i'm staying a lil while longer then only i went home...as i wanted to see him a lil longer,we went to mamak to have his supper...haha..

only the ones who hurt you,can heal your pain ♥

tho i didnt get to go on holidays,i'm still glad that i can spend my time with you...we shall go next time ok?

i believe everything happened for a reason...and i can only blame myself for it...if i hadnt check his lappie at the first place,i wouldnt become so depress till i couldnt breath...

i really hope i can do my job as his gf well...but it seems tat everytime when i tried my best,it always fails...i hope and wish i can be his special and only one...i guess i'm really a failure...it's not that i'm putting all the blame onto myself,it's tat the reality shown...i just hope he could tell me everything instead of other ppl...there's this feeling making me felt tat i'm so useless for him,couldnt help him in any way...even being a listener to him, i oso couldnt do tat and tat's the basic..

sumtimes,it's not that he didnt wana tell me things,it's just that he's afraid...tat's why i didnt blame him for that and i could only put the blame onto myself...

sigh...i'm not good at putting words together...but i just could felt tat he rather tell other ppl than telling it to me...so...what do you think? i'm a failure,right? i'm trying my very best,and i hope tat it wouldnt happen again...

i just wish to be his listener when he needed a pair of ears...

i just wish to be his sandbag when he needed to release his anger...

i just wish to lend him my shoulders when he needed to lean on one...

i just wish...

04052010

went to the gardens and mid valley with mates today...picked hl up and off we went to meetup point to meet wy and cy...sth i gotta complain,gardens' parking lot~!!! i cant find any parking space at all and it's weekday leh hello~!! had been turning so many rounds just to look for a parking,up and down~!!! and we found 1 finally...

wy and cy was at nike shop...but i'm starving...i havent even eat my breakfast yet...so me and lynn went to sushi zanmai first...as usual lor...i love the ones which have tuna on it and we order a set rice...i shared it with lynn...cuz i couldnt finish...the urge of eating sushi was here long ago already and finally today i get to eat =P wy and cy came to joined us later...and we took fotos...

i've chosen one of the funniest ones to send it to sweetheart...reason why i choose the silly ones instead of good ones cuz my guess was he's been vv tired working and i'm trying to make his day,to make him smile at least...dun ask me did he smile or not,becuz i don't know it myself too =)

after that,we walked to midvalley...first,to nike...wy wana show us a jacket she wana buy for her bf...colour's striking enough...but like wat cy said,the back doesnt look good...it's still isnt enuf to convince her not to buy...then i ask her wat size he wears...haha..out of sizes already =P then off to converse,my turn...i bought the jacket i wanted~!!! OWH~!! finally~!! damn happy ar....then to puma,sasa,bonita,vincci and all...it's been a very tiring day...

at night,bie went off work early...he came by my hse to pick me up and we went for dinner...we spent our time bout 2 hours lidat oni =( i still miss him right now...we planned bout our holiday trip =) hehe...he went back bout 10pm...he's very tired already...i felt that...and before i went off,i gave him back the jacket i borrowed the other day and exchange another 1...the jacket i love most to see him wear it...ngek ngek ngek~!!!

right now,i'm soaking my legs into hot water while blogging =P with salt,because my blood circulation had become worse due to me wearing heels all the time...

bie,if you cant make it for the holiday,it's alright lar...just let it be ok? we'll go next time,wherever it is,as long as it's you whom i am spending the holidays with,i'm happy enough...tonight,i shall hug your jacket to bed and with your fragrance on it,it's gonna make me sleep soundly like a baby =P

i just read hl's blog...the way she wrote it,it's so funny...she claims that i ate so much tuna sushi that it almost seems that today was tuna day...hahha..silly...i love tuna lar =P

one step at a time...

grrr~!!! i soooo wana upload photos into both my blog and fb page...but the stupid line...oh gosh~!! damn it~!! kept showing the "cannot find server" page~!!! geram betul...well,i've just gotta blog on without the pics then...

30042010 : a very ordinary day...as usual,piano lessons in the morning...was at home the whole day...till at night...henry,sort of my bro,invited me to club...didnt wana go cuz it's still weekdays and sure very boring..cuz i dont know his frens...in the end,i rejected...

2134 hour : sweetheart went off work early today...he called...by tat time,he's still at putrajaya...he said he's hungry and wana watch movie...and i so so so missed him...so end up i said i wana meet him...we went to 1u...suppose to watch movie...but all the tickets were sold out...so end up,we went down to look for his frens who's setting up for "Tokio Hotel" concert...chat and stay a lil while there and then we're off to PWTC...

bie bought supper for them...and this time,i met ah toh...his respectful bro...the first impression he gave to me was a good 1 indeed...frenly and kept smiling all the time...being 3 8...and i love it...mayb it's becuz i'm as 3 8 as well...haha...he came out from nowhere then started to talk a lil with me...and the happiest part was,he mentioned i'm slim and that i wasnt as fat as how i looked in picture..oh god~!!! bie read my mind,and telling out to him that i'm happy...lolz...ah toh was the first from his side who said that...i'm glad as well...slowly,i feel like i'm getting their blessings...so i guess,i shall take one step at a time,eh?

from their expressions,i guess the supper doesnt taste good...haha...and the pitiest one ofcuz is bie lar...it's as though his indo mie cant be eaten at all...we stayed for an hour and a half lidat...tat place seriously is full of mosquitoes...ish~!! i've got bitten here and there =( reached home bout 3am...was tired...so after i receive a safely-reached-home-call from baby boi,straight off i went to bed...

01052010 : well,i'm seriously growing fungus at home in the start of the day...first of all,it's labour day...so every mall's gonna be packed...then 2nd,outing plan was canceled...cuz some were either not free or no transport...i thought of hl suddenly...asking her to accompany me to pyramid to get tat t-shirt...she was accompanying her mum tat time...so i guess,most probably she couldnt...and i found someone...who is evonne~!!!

went to pick evonne up and off we go to sunway pyramid...it's really damn jam wei...no parking summo...you can see lotsa cars parked outside,parked by the roadside and by the bridge oso got~!!! scary du...and inside the parking bays,the cars cant even move...but luckily,we found a parking space...hahah...so lucky...

went to catchup to look for that shirt...but they had no more size for it T.T then i went to converse to try on tat jacket...the one bie and i saw at midvalley...it looks good,evonne said...so i guess,i'll get this one then =) finally a decision had been made...

i wanted to show her the other one...but couldnt find...so just let it be...fetch her home right after that...cuz she need to go back to hometown...kinda in a rush...it was raining...went home right after that...online a lil while then i received a msg from bie...i was sooo happy~!! haha...

went to meet him...we watched "daybreakers"...great movie it was...went back after that cuz i need to watch movie with my family...borrowed his jacket...hehhe...i'm so gonna hug it to bed tonight...i know,you're gonna say tat it's dirty and how long tat u hadnt been washing it...well,i dun mind...cuz it's still your sweat and it has your fragrance on it =) it's as tho u're here with me...hehe...silly right?

right now it's 4 sth,almost 5 in the morning...i still havent sleep yet cuz i just cant...haha...

lynn,if you're reading this...you might feel curious of wat i wana ask u just now...cuz i checked back the history of the conversation of u and drew...i was curious when i saw the date and sth bout you asking him to plan my celebration...just lidat only =) hehe...tat's wat i wana ask...and i'm gonna ask u more soon...muhahaha...he still felt guilty as ever that you guys can do sth for me whereas he cant...sigh...i hope he wont,because I'M GONNA CLAIM MY CELEBRATION BACK~!! muahhaha~!!!

bie,i'm really happy these 2 days...tho we did nothing special,but with you around,it's enough already...i appreciate the moments we spent...eventho it was just a simple chat in your car...i still enjoyed it =) love you as always~

Happy 3rd Month